NaNoWriMo2021, First Week

The first week isn’t even over and I can already report that this is more of a challenge than the last few have been. Not that I don’t have the time to write. And I’m making my word count quota every day. The challenge is in the content. And the approach.

The topic is dating and romance between a trans man and cis gay men. It’s about the difficulty of using dating apps, and the challenge of dating locally while living in a place where it’s hard to meet people who don’t know all the same people you do. It’s also about the insecurity and inner turmoil involved when a trans man seeks to date men, when he’s only ever dated women and nonbinary AFAB people.

Adding to the challenge is that I am currently attempting to do the things that my protagonist is attempting to do. The subject matter is so close to me that I’m having some difficulty separating the character from myself. Do I want this so close to reality that it’s autobiographical? So real that it’s painful because it’s so exposing? How vulnerable am I willing to be, really, in the pursuit of this story?

My best friend, Cal, says, ‘Yes, you want to be vulnerable and say all those difficult things because that’s where the best stories come from.”

I agree with him, and there’s an additional reason. Writing true, close to the bone, vulnerable stories makes it more likely someone out there will see something of themselves in my story and hopefully feel validated. It’s the representation thing. Representation is important. Seeing ourselves in media is important. Sometimes it’s very difficult to believe we truly exist if we can’t see anyone like us outside of our mirrors.

So back to the blank page I go. I’ll keep writing and hacking my way through the underbrush of my experiences, insecurities, fears and hopes in search of the shining heart of the story.